Abhyasa : Getting rid of people baggage.
Artist : Radhika Kiranmayi
Many of my new mleccha friends are in the process of donating or selling off or otherwise getting rid of their possessions. Been there, done that! In any case I neither have enough money for lot of stuff nor enough space to have material possessions that I do have money for.
One of the advantages that mlecchas have is that they have very little people baggage compared to Indians.
In my head, I carry not only my family, neighbors, colleagues, relatives, students, society and so on, but also relatives of relatives, relatives of friends of acquaintances and so on. And of course blog readers, commenters, relatives of blog readers.. you get the idea. Even sannyasis in Rishikesh share papads and watch over dying fellow sannyasis.
Getting rid of people baggage :
Now most Indians, love to give you two things. Advice and ah yes., advice (masquerading as information).
The more people you interact with, the more advice you get. They assume that your needs and means are the same as theirs’. They are also sure that you have less IQ than they do and are less informed than they are. Of course you want to a) save money b) go abroad c) want lots of company, houses, gold etc etc. Some people even yell at you, if you don’t take their wonderful advice.
Some are sweet and frank in their insults.. “My wife refused to come.. because she thinks you are boring”
(Mlecchas are not like this. They wait for their turn to speak and test the waters to see if you would feel offended by their wanting to give you advice. They have NO idea what it is to be Indian…)
Some strategies :
a) One ear in – one ear out!
This is the term used for hearing without letting anything touch your brain cells. Total tune-out. Many Indians will agree with you without hearing a single word you say or correct you hearing only half of what you say and the rest they construct from the people they have met before. When you speak to an Indian, he is not responding to you or anything you said.. just to the sum total of what he has heard in life till then on that topic.. and then he states his position on that subject. With a 20,000 year history and everything already said by everyone better than you, where is the need to hear you out or to understand the theme of your argument?
b) Laughter!
I asked my Veda Guru what her Guruji did when he was subjected to the views of all and sundry. She said, “He gave them all a careful ear, and if they were silly.. he just laughed”.
c) Listen and Answer
My Veda Guru listens carefully to all I say, understands the question and the pain as well as the flow of arguments and then responds exactly, to the point accurately, with the authority of expertise and reason. She says a Guru must listen to all the sishyas (students) say.
d) Shut Off or Shut Down
Well my blog readers are not my sishyas.. they just stumble in cause google brought them take what words they want, using this as one of their multiple sources of information and they are off. I have closed my university, and have just one student left and yes I do listen carefully to what she has to say.
Most of my blog-commenters want to be my guru and tell me what to read, what to think , what to do and what to write. They demand information on topics of their interest as if I am their servant without even a please befoe or a thank you after. Sorry.. I am not their sishya or their servant. I still have a lot of pent up anger on account of a couple of them.
Many people read what they like, different people like or dislike different parts of it, different people understand, don’t understand or misunderstand different parts of it. Some comments are reverent appreciation, some are unprintable curses.
Many who “fall in love with my blogs” for a while disappear without a trace for long periods.
No one really knows what I am doing or why. Unless someone makes an effort comparable to my effort in all the subjects and directions that I am making it, will they be able to either understand or critique what I am doing. I have met no such person, not even my Veda Guru and not even my single student.
People who hate my work want me to shut up and shut down. People who like my work want me to shut the crudeness off and continue.
I have decided to simply shut off at least internet people, by de-activating facebook and disabling blog comments. I listen to what Krishna said in the Gita and what the Rishis said in the Upanishads and Vedas and discuss my questions with my Veda Guru. It is true that I may miss an oxygen molecule once a way, but the rest of the pollution is worth escaping from. I am going to continue my research and writing, in my pace, in my way. But since I don’t yet know how to do a selective shut-off, I am shutting almost everyone off.
This is the equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and yelling “I can’t hear you!”
It reminds me a bit of Venkateswara Swamy turning to stone.. suddenly I have sympathy for the Divine!
Counter Point : Aparigraha: Getting rid of thingy baggage.
My friend, Satya Sarada Kandula, keeps a fascinating treasure trove of information over at her Ancient Indians site on WordPress. Her entries always make me think, and unlike mine, are highly readable and relevant to people other than her. One of her recent posts, Abhyasa: Getting rid of people baggage, sparked some internal debate (especially as I am one of the possession-eliminating mlecchas mentioned in the beginning of her post).
Satya talks about how Indians will give advice, advice, and more advice, and this sentence seems to summarise a primary difference between East and West. In the West overall, in America particularly, one of the highest virtues possible is tolerance for different ways of thinking and behaving.
(It stems from America’s national myth, which began with religious and political rebellion and evolved into the “melting pot” ideal. As America came into existence via armed revolution, this created a powerful national consciousness based upon ideas of freedom and independence.)
Sometimes this tolerance is marvelous, as it allows for a limitless existence. It means that I can leave the States, live in multiple countries, make all manner of unusual and interesting life choices, and generally be as strange as I want, and others won’t say or do anything. They believe they have a duty to support me in my individualism – even though privately, they may whisper that I’m making awful mistakes.
Other times, this tolerance can be quite terrible in effect. We are admonished to “understand” and “tolerate” and “uncover the truth behind” behaviour like drug-dealing and drug use, abuse, addiction, and other unacceptable societal problems. If I am free to do what enriches me, I am also free to become morbidly obese, hit and scream at my children, dress in scraps of clothing, smoke/drink/drug myself as I will, and generally do what I like unto death. Fortunate are those who have caring family members or friends who will intervene when tolerance is strained to the limits, but otherwise, others often will not say a word directly to the person concerned.
Perhaps we Westerners focus upon things and gifts, in part, because we feel helpless to provide help, guidance, or any other intangible benefit to others.
I cannot count the generous gifts of things I’ve received during difficult times – housewarming gifts, gifts to combat stress, gifts to pick me up from depression, gifts just to make me smile, and that’s not even counting the gifts that people expect to buy for birthdays and many major holidays. People often pity and worry about me because I live in a way quite austere by Western standards; even my parents are appalled that I don’t own certain “necessary” items, like a television or a couch. Every gift I’ve received, for years, expresses a profound concern with my happiness and comfort. But it’s frustrating to look around my home right now and realise that:
a) I have made a number of highly questionable life decisions, and I wish more folks would have spoken to me frankly and provided me the benefit of their wisdom, insight, and life experience.
b) Instead, I now own many things which have a lot of baggage attached to them.Since people show value, friendship, and kindness through gifts, it’s an occasion for hurt feelings if I try to get rid of something someone gave me; friends and family members take it as a personal rejection. When I try to express that there’s nothing wrong and that I just genuinely don’t want things, then people become concerned that I’m depressed, suicidal, or eliminating possessions for some other dire reason.
People baggage, on the other hand, is very easy to let go of in the West, as Satya rightly observes. If someone doesn’t accept your choices and keeps trying to meddle, for example, then that “toxic” person is best excised from your existence. Giving too much advice here can have personal penalties, another reason people are hesitant to speak out. (Intolerance = lack of virtue = person who should no longer be a friend.) Folks are encouraged to be independent to the point of selfish, considering their own wishes to be of greatest importance and quite above the interference of family, friends, or teachers. Independence holds a greater value than wisdom, and this can be personally and socially disastrous.
Understand, I can well imagine how terribly annoying it is to be deluged with advice on a regular basis about everything you do. But if people truly want to give me something, I would rather receive their wisdom and their true opinion of me than more things.
Authorship and Copyright Notice : All Rights Reserved : Satya Sarada Kandula
Update : Lakshmi Prasanna Jasti has done a free translation of my story : Daksha : He named the fixed stars! , into telugu as she understood the story. You can find it here : దక్ష యజ్ఞం ! Thanks Lakshmi!
