Abhyasa : Struggles in Advaita Practice : Gita
One day I tried thinking that I was everyone and that all deeds were mine, all errors were mine, all good deeds were mine. That day the Delhi blasts took place and I nearly collapsed. My frail human mind cannot bear the weight of universal kartrutva.In fact the less kartrutva I accept, the happier I am.
I have previously written that a spoonful of kartrutva is an ocean of misery. Universal kartrutva at Purusha level is brain seizure and heart failure and mental collapse.This mind cannot bear it.
Then I realised my error. Only when I engage my manas with my atman and identify the atman with the paramatman, is there any question of accepting any kartrutva, peacefully. For that I must rise above the dvandvas (dualities) of good and bad, pleasure and pain. Then I must go beyond the three gunas (sat, rajas and tamas). Then from that detached state and stable mind, can I perceive or accept any truth.
And the truth is that beings on this planet inflict pain on other beings on this planet, in different situations, either as doers or agents. And this fact causes me great pain whether I identify with the perpetrators or the victims.
Identification with other human beings, or with other living beings or the earth.. causes pain.
Accepting kartrutva causes pain.
What is possible at my present level?
- I’m flooded with joy when I contemplate divinity. For example when I chant Vishnu Sahasranamam, when I chant Vedas, when I study Gita, when I listen to Ramayanam…
- I feel strong when I speak the truth and stand up for what is right.
- I feel pleased when I give or receive kindness.
- I am clearly attached to sat and bound by sat.
- This is satsanga. First step.
- In this step, I am happy to pray for strength and succour from Divinity :
- Please bless my loved ones. Please bless me. Please bless my country. Help good people. Reform bad people and then help them. Let no one face disease or untimely death. Let everyone be enlightened. Let there be peace and love and prosperity.
- Please do not let me have another birth. Please let me meet Siva and Parvathi in Kailas. (And please let them not be in disguise of ordinary people, I want to “really” see them.).. ad infinitum.
At my present level, prayer and sadhana are possible. Recognising Krishna as the karta gives me lot of relief and peace. Then I have to recognise that Krishna is the karta of other peoples’ action as well is a logical derivation. But in practice in the case of others we see the doer and in our case we see the circumstances that force us to act. That is basic psychology theory and it is called the attribution effect.
We must remember that people are driven by their own circumstances, they may have little or no control over their action. Then forgiveness becomes easier. Of all the sattvik gunas, forgiveness is the greatest. krOdha or anger is a rAjasik guNa. To be attached to anger is to tie oneself up with rajO guNa. Anger can make us do wrong things. I cannot call myself sattvik as long as I am given to anger. If I think it is Krishna who is the doer, I can’t be angry with others. That will help.
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